Friday, June 8, 2012
1 Year after having our second child
When I first started writing this post it was 9 months after having our second child. Now that I'm publishing it, it is one year since we had our second child. Unfortunately, I got side tracked with a different blog after our son was born because of some medical problems he had but now he is doing awesome and I am back to writing here! Having a 2nd child changes things dramatically as I'm sure you have heard from many people or are aware of if you have more than one child. Your oldest isn't the only one any more, the schedule is completely different from the oldest child, you have an older child who loves his/her sibling but also isn't very careful around him/her and the list goes on and on and on.
I am going to write about sleep training! I have become SO passionate about this. Sleep training was extremely important with my daughter who is now 4 and because of the sleep training, she is an awesome sleeper. I set out to make my son an awesome sleeper as well. Why am I passionate about this? Sleep is imperative for kids. They grow when they are sleeping. When they get enough sleep they are happy, they can learn better, they are healthier, they function at a higher level, and so on.
As we were talking about having a 2nd child our friends would tell us, "It is so different from the first. You carry the second child everywhere in the car seat because you have all these places to go with your older child and the baby just naps in the car seat." I always repeated that to myself over and over again thinking...I can do that and the baby will be fine. I have heard people say, "My first child is a great sleeper but my second one just doesn't want to take nap, or doesn't sleep through the night." People would even tell me..."Wait until you have your second child. He/she won't sleep like your first child." I couldn't understand why I heard that over and over again. I always thought to myself, "My second child will be just as good as a sleeper as my first." My husband was concerned about the very different schedules our two children would have and I kept saying, "Everyone says that you become more flexible with the 2nd child so we will just have to be."
After my son was born (last May), and after we were all settled home from a very interesting first month, we had 2 two very different schedules. A newborn who couldn't stay up longer than an hour and a half and a 3 1/2 year old who napped in the afternoon and was extremely active as all kids are at this age. My husband was home with us for a while so it wasn't too bad. One of us would stay with the baby so he could nap in his crib when it was time to, and the other parent would spend time with the big girl; taking her places and trying not to change her life too much. Once my husband started work again in mid July it was more difficult. I couldn't bear to take my son out all morning, everyday hanging out and dozing in his car seat while my daughter was doing her things. I gave in for swim lessons because baby was small enough to get some decent sleep in the car seat while sister was in the pool 2 times a week, for 3 weeks. We even had enough time to play in the pool together for a bit. But once August hit, he was getting too old to sleep in the car seat. He was more alert and wanted to know what was going on out in the world. I read an article a while back about a mom whose first child was an amazing sleeper because she spent the time sleep training. However her 2nd and 3rd kids were not good sleepers and were often sick because they were carried around in the car seat taking the oldest child to all her activites. Once I read this I was sold on spending the time now on this baby and sleep training him. Keeping him healthy and teaching him good sleep routines was a necessity. What did that mean for his big sister? She was home much more then before. Before baby brother came, we went to the library every week, went swimming once a week, maybe did an art class here or there but we still had a good amount of time at home too but it would just be more time at home for a bit. I capitalized on the time I had with her when the baby was sleeping during the morning. We baked, danced, painted, did puzzles, read lots of books, and played outside as much as possible; whether it was summer or winter. She has a very good imagination so I also made sure she had some time to play on her own as well. She has a friend next door she played with a couple days a week too and when the baby was up we would cruise to the library for story hour or go somewhere to get out of the house for a bit. We had to get creative. There were a couple of times a good friend would take my daughter to the park so she had an opportunity to go somewhere else to play and be with other kids.
Now that baby is on a more consistent schedule; one nap in the morning and one in the afternoon(the same time as his sister), life is much, much easier. However big sister does have some morning activities. My husband and I had talked about hiring a babysitter a couple mornings a week so his nap time wouldn't be interrupted while I took big sister to a couple of her morning activities. Is that the best idea? No, because it does cost money but I think it is worth having someone babysit for an hour or two so he still gets his nap in and big sister can get out. However, we did luck out as my mother-in-law came to visit this winter and came over to babysit baby boy while we were out so his nap wasn't interrupted. It has made things a lot easier!!!
Is it worth taking the time to sleep train the 2nd child while the other one hangs out at home? Absolutely! There is nothing wrong with kids playing at home and there are so many things to do at home! Looking back now, it really wasn't for very long and was it worth it? Of course because now our second child, takes two naps a day at the same time everyday, knows to go upstairs when we say nap time or bed time, puts himself to sleep and takes long naps and sleeps consistently through the night!!! If I was to do this all over again, I would do the same thing. Sleep training is the most important goal for my kids and should be for all kids. Sleep is essential and makes happier children, happier parents, and happier homes!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Moving to a big bed
Today is April 29, 2011 and our newly turned 3 year old daughter has been in her bed for a few weeks now. Why did we move her to a big bed? She never tried to climb out of her crib and she never complained about her crib. She loved her crib. She housed many of her animals in there as they slept with her, she turned on her mobile and fish that played music every night and in the morning. She was so content why did we move her? Our second child is due to arrive at the end of May and we needed the crib so we were in a bit of a time crunch. However, we really felt she was ready. How did we know? From what we have read about moving a toddler to a big bed there are things to think about. Is your child old enough to understand the rules of being in a big bed? Some may say rules? What rules? Well, from the beginning we have worked hard in creating routines and teaching our daughter the importance of sleep. So now that she will be in a big bed, I don't want to be awakened every night by her coming into our bedroom. So one rule is that once she is in bed, she needs to stay in bed until it is time to get up. How does she know it is time to get up? We go in there when it is time to get up. For nap she goes to bed at 1pm. We don't get her until 4ish even if she is up and playing. At night she goes to bed at 7:30 and we don't go into her room until 7am at the earliest, even though she wakes up earlier than 7. Does she call us to get up? Yes, but we consistently tell her, "It isn't time to get up and we will come back when it is time."
Now back to transitioning to the big bed. When her room was done and the bed was set up, we gave her the choice of sleeping in her bed for nap or her crib. She chose her bed. We followed our normal nap time routine and when she laid down, we carefully explained the rules of sleeping in a bed. We told her, "Once you are in your bed, you can't get out of your bed until it is time to get up and Mom or Dad will come get you when it is time." Her first response was "Why?" We said, "Well, when Mom and Dad go to bed, we stay in bed until it is time to get up and it is important to get your sleep." With that being said, we left her to sleep. So the first nap time was a success. She cuddled under her covers, slept great, and laid in bed until one of us came to get her. Then night time came. Again, we gave her the choice of where she wanted to sleep. She chose her big bed again so we followed our normal bedtime routine and reminded her of the rules of the bed before we left. Everything went smooth and she slept straight through the night and didn't get out of bed until one of us went to get her.
The second day nap time came and we reminded her of the rules and she again asked, "Why?" We gave the same explanation as the day before. About an hour after she went down for nap, I saw this little girl in her pull up and shirt walking down the hall rubbing her eyes. It was so surreal because until this point she had no way of getting out of her crib. I calmly said, "What are you doing? We need to go back to bed. Remember we have to stay in our bed until nap is over." That is all it took. I am thinking she was testing a bit to see what Mom or Dad would do if she got out.
Since then, she has done awesome! She sleeps great in her "Big Bed" and doesn't get out until we come in and get her. I have to be thankful for the routines we have set up from the beginning and believe that our transition to this bed was the right time for her to understand the rule and be successful! She loves her big bed and having her own pillow.
Another major transition in her life that went very smooth without any power struggles.
What is the next major transition in her life? Adjusting to a new baby brother or sister who is always going to be around!
Now back to transitioning to the big bed. When her room was done and the bed was set up, we gave her the choice of sleeping in her bed for nap or her crib. She chose her bed. We followed our normal nap time routine and when she laid down, we carefully explained the rules of sleeping in a bed. We told her, "Once you are in your bed, you can't get out of your bed until it is time to get up and Mom or Dad will come get you when it is time." Her first response was "Why?" We said, "Well, when Mom and Dad go to bed, we stay in bed until it is time to get up and it is important to get your sleep." With that being said, we left her to sleep. So the first nap time was a success. She cuddled under her covers, slept great, and laid in bed until one of us came to get her. Then night time came. Again, we gave her the choice of where she wanted to sleep. She chose her big bed again so we followed our normal bedtime routine and reminded her of the rules of the bed before we left. Everything went smooth and she slept straight through the night and didn't get out of bed until one of us went to get her.
The second day nap time came and we reminded her of the rules and she again asked, "Why?" We gave the same explanation as the day before. About an hour after she went down for nap, I saw this little girl in her pull up and shirt walking down the hall rubbing her eyes. It was so surreal because until this point she had no way of getting out of her crib. I calmly said, "What are you doing? We need to go back to bed. Remember we have to stay in our bed until nap is over." That is all it took. I am thinking she was testing a bit to see what Mom or Dad would do if she got out.
Since then, she has done awesome! She sleeps great in her "Big Bed" and doesn't get out until we come in and get her. I have to be thankful for the routines we have set up from the beginning and believe that our transition to this bed was the right time for her to understand the rule and be successful! She loves her big bed and having her own pillow.
Another major transition in her life that went very smooth without any power struggles.
What is the next major transition in her life? Adjusting to a new baby brother or sister who is always going to be around!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
What is the best way to potty train?
Our daughter is now 3 years old and our 2nd child is due in 7 weeks. We hoped that our daughter would be potty trained before the baby came for ease and honestly, to have a break in diaper changing before starting all over. So how did it actually happen that she was trained in February without us bending over backwards, pushing or bribing her with candy and such? Well, read on.
Last fall my husband had some books from the library on potty training. Each book was a different philosophy; potty train your child in 2 weeks, or let him/her run around naked and every 20 min. put him/her on the toilet, or when it is time to sit on the toilet make your child sit there until they do something no matter how long it takes, bribe with M & M's. This all sounded a bit absurd to me. I really didn't honestly have the motivation to spend every minute for 2 weeks on potty training. I don't have a problem with the running around naked thing, but not sure how much I would remember to get her to the bathroom every 20 minutes. Sit your child on the toilet until they do something seems a bit mean to me and I never, ever liked the idea of bribing. I have been teaching for 14 years and never used extrinsic motivators with my students as I never believed in them so why would I do it with my daughter.
So how did this happen so easily without any fights, pushing, breakdowns? At my daughter's 2 year checkup, a year ago, her Dr. and I were talking and she suggested a couple of things. First, when she does sit on the toilet and go to the bathroom don't make a huge deal out of it just say, "Did that feel good to pee in the toilet?" The other idea was to buy big girl underwear and let her see it often as a motivator. So we started with the first idea. Our daughter started experimenting with sitting on the toilet to pee last summer and we never made a big deal about it. We would just ask, "Did that feel good?" This continued for many months. As we got into the fall we realized she never wanted to sit on the toilet for #2 but inconsistently would for #1. We were in a good routine for a while having her sit on the toilet every time before nap and bedtime. Then we let that go a bit. Many times she didn't have interest or said she didn't want to sit on the toilet so we didn't push her. In the middle of winter, her school where she goes 2 days a week, started putting sticker charts up and gave us one...so we used it. I know, extrinsic rewards, she loves stickers, but it was done inconsistently and she didn't seem to care much so again, we didn't push it. Then I decided to buy some underwear in December. I took her to the store and let her pick out her own underwear. She was very excited and would look at it, put it on her dolls and ask to wear it. I would tell her, when you pee and poop in the toilet you can wear it. This went on for a few months. I was hoping that would motivate her but she just didn't want to sit on the toilet, so time went by.
Finally, one day in the beginning of February I picked her up from school and as we were driving home she asked, "Can I put on some underwear?" I thought, why not, what is the worst that can happen? She can have an accident. Oh well. So we got home and we put on underwear. That evening she ran to the toilet saying she had to pee. That was it. From that day forward she wore underwear everyday. Have we had some accidents, of course but she is really good at knowing when she has to go. Now that she wears underwear and pees in the toilet, the next step was to poop. She had NO INTEREST in that. We tried to time her schedule and when we thought we had it down and would have her sit on the toilet, nothing came out. When did it come out? At nap time (still wears a pull up when sleeping) She was very scared to poop in the toilet. We would let her watch us, we would tell her when we had to go and say that it felt good after. But still no interest. In late Feb. we went to Arizona to see some family and I noticed she started getting constipated. That was my fear b/c I knew she was holding it in when she had her underwear on. When we returned home I thought I would see how the next few days would go and then if she was constipated make the call to the dr. Well, when we got home from the airport, she was playing and all of a sudden she yelled, "I have to poop" and ran to the toilet. My husband and I looked at each other and thought o.k. Well, guess what? She did it and that was it. From then on it wasn't an issue.
We couldn't believe how easy this was and are very thrilled we have a break for a couple of months before baby #2 comes. As you consider how you are going to potty train really think about what works best for your family. I have heard people say when children are ready to do it they will so why should we push them. Yes, it would make our lives easier and we get tired of changing diapers but not pushing is worth avoiding all the power struggles that can come with it. If you are someone who uses extrinsic motivators and it works, great, but how do you eliminate those?
I have only done this once but I won't do anything differently for the 2nd child. Our daughter still wears pull ups when she sleeps. Something we are not going to worry about until the time comes. When her pull ups stay dry for a while then maybe we will move forward but until then, no rush and no pushing!
Last fall my husband had some books from the library on potty training. Each book was a different philosophy; potty train your child in 2 weeks, or let him/her run around naked and every 20 min. put him/her on the toilet, or when it is time to sit on the toilet make your child sit there until they do something no matter how long it takes, bribe with M & M's. This all sounded a bit absurd to me. I really didn't honestly have the motivation to spend every minute for 2 weeks on potty training. I don't have a problem with the running around naked thing, but not sure how much I would remember to get her to the bathroom every 20 minutes. Sit your child on the toilet until they do something seems a bit mean to me and I never, ever liked the idea of bribing. I have been teaching for 14 years and never used extrinsic motivators with my students as I never believed in them so why would I do it with my daughter.
So how did this happen so easily without any fights, pushing, breakdowns? At my daughter's 2 year checkup, a year ago, her Dr. and I were talking and she suggested a couple of things. First, when she does sit on the toilet and go to the bathroom don't make a huge deal out of it just say, "Did that feel good to pee in the toilet?" The other idea was to buy big girl underwear and let her see it often as a motivator. So we started with the first idea. Our daughter started experimenting with sitting on the toilet to pee last summer and we never made a big deal about it. We would just ask, "Did that feel good?" This continued for many months. As we got into the fall we realized she never wanted to sit on the toilet for #2 but inconsistently would for #1. We were in a good routine for a while having her sit on the toilet every time before nap and bedtime. Then we let that go a bit. Many times she didn't have interest or said she didn't want to sit on the toilet so we didn't push her. In the middle of winter, her school where she goes 2 days a week, started putting sticker charts up and gave us one...so we used it. I know, extrinsic rewards, she loves stickers, but it was done inconsistently and she didn't seem to care much so again, we didn't push it. Then I decided to buy some underwear in December. I took her to the store and let her pick out her own underwear. She was very excited and would look at it, put it on her dolls and ask to wear it. I would tell her, when you pee and poop in the toilet you can wear it. This went on for a few months. I was hoping that would motivate her but she just didn't want to sit on the toilet, so time went by.
Finally, one day in the beginning of February I picked her up from school and as we were driving home she asked, "Can I put on some underwear?" I thought, why not, what is the worst that can happen? She can have an accident. Oh well. So we got home and we put on underwear. That evening she ran to the toilet saying she had to pee. That was it. From that day forward she wore underwear everyday. Have we had some accidents, of course but she is really good at knowing when she has to go. Now that she wears underwear and pees in the toilet, the next step was to poop. She had NO INTEREST in that. We tried to time her schedule and when we thought we had it down and would have her sit on the toilet, nothing came out. When did it come out? At nap time (still wears a pull up when sleeping) She was very scared to poop in the toilet. We would let her watch us, we would tell her when we had to go and say that it felt good after. But still no interest. In late Feb. we went to Arizona to see some family and I noticed she started getting constipated. That was my fear b/c I knew she was holding it in when she had her underwear on. When we returned home I thought I would see how the next few days would go and then if she was constipated make the call to the dr. Well, when we got home from the airport, she was playing and all of a sudden she yelled, "I have to poop" and ran to the toilet. My husband and I looked at each other and thought o.k. Well, guess what? She did it and that was it. From then on it wasn't an issue.
We couldn't believe how easy this was and are very thrilled we have a break for a couple of months before baby #2 comes. As you consider how you are going to potty train really think about what works best for your family. I have heard people say when children are ready to do it they will so why should we push them. Yes, it would make our lives easier and we get tired of changing diapers but not pushing is worth avoiding all the power struggles that can come with it. If you are someone who uses extrinsic motivators and it works, great, but how do you eliminate those?
I have only done this once but I won't do anything differently for the 2nd child. Our daughter still wears pull ups when she sleeps. Something we are not going to worry about until the time comes. When her pull ups stay dry for a while then maybe we will move forward but until then, no rush and no pushing!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Imagination is a wonderful thing
I haven't written in a while but figured it was time to get back into the swing of things. Now that my daughter is approaching 3, I have seen some amazing things from her. Where to start....Imagination. The last many, many months, she has developed an unbelievable imagination. It is truly amazing to watch her and listen to her play and interact with her imagination. What does she do??? Well first, she has many imaginary friends such as Big Bad Wolf, Firetruck, Dumptruck, Monster, Lion, birds, alligators, to name a few. After doing some recent research on imagination I have realized much of what she does has a purpose. She loves to watch firetrucks drive by our window on the street, but at times, is scared to walk down the hall because she thinks she hears one. She loves the story of the Little Red Riding Hood but at times, is scared of the Big Bad Wolf. Same with her other imaginary friends. What I just learned is this is her ability to cope with her fear. Sometimes during her imagination times, her friends are nice and she plays with them, and sometimes they aren't so nice. We even have to go to the extent of telling her we are taking the birds home so they don't bother her when she is sleeping.
Recently I took her skiing and after a few ski runs, Monster was skiing with us too. When he fell, I had to pick him up. It was quite comical as I played along with her, yes in public, pretending to pick monster up after he fell, while other people were around. But I sure wasn't going to damper her imagination. I play along with her when she includes me in her imagination play. I never tell her there is no such thing. I can't imagine what that would do to her as she is so vivid in her play. She has 2 way conversations with her friends, nods her heads at them, laughs with them, it is truly comical.
My favorite is what she created most recently. Her dad went on an 8 day trip to Austria a couple weeks ago. Even though we have Skype, with the time change we couldn't connect all the time so we went days without seeing or talking to dad. One day she was playing and she started to talk to her dad and run around the house like he was chasing her. I was flabbergasted. She created another imaginary friend, her daddy. After reading about it, I truly believe this was her way of coping with him being gone and not being able to talk to him or see him. It actually made me so proud of her as she is a total Daddy's girl and she found away to cope with her daddy's absence.
I often wonder where she came up with her imagination but as I reflect on the last 3 years, I think some of the choices we have made as parents has helped with this.
What are they you ask?
We don't have the tv on when she is around, we don't allow her to watch tv, we spend some time every now and then on the computer for a short time playing songs but this is very minimal, she listens to music all the time, we are constantly reading books, she has learned to have play time in her crib when she wakes up in the morning, after her nap and before she falls asleep, we don't over schedule her, giving her time just to play sometimes by herself and sometimes with us.
Imagination is truly a wonderful part of growing up and I encourage you to allow your children to develop their imagination. There will be lasting benefits as they grow up and become adults.
I wonder how my daughter will use her imagination to cope with a new sibling that will be coming in a few months. Time shall tell!
Recently I took her skiing and after a few ski runs, Monster was skiing with us too. When he fell, I had to pick him up. It was quite comical as I played along with her, yes in public, pretending to pick monster up after he fell, while other people were around. But I sure wasn't going to damper her imagination. I play along with her when she includes me in her imagination play. I never tell her there is no such thing. I can't imagine what that would do to her as she is so vivid in her play. She has 2 way conversations with her friends, nods her heads at them, laughs with them, it is truly comical.
My favorite is what she created most recently. Her dad went on an 8 day trip to Austria a couple weeks ago. Even though we have Skype, with the time change we couldn't connect all the time so we went days without seeing or talking to dad. One day she was playing and she started to talk to her dad and run around the house like he was chasing her. I was flabbergasted. She created another imaginary friend, her daddy. After reading about it, I truly believe this was her way of coping with him being gone and not being able to talk to him or see him. It actually made me so proud of her as she is a total Daddy's girl and she found away to cope with her daddy's absence.
I often wonder where she came up with her imagination but as I reflect on the last 3 years, I think some of the choices we have made as parents has helped with this.
What are they you ask?
We don't have the tv on when she is around, we don't allow her to watch tv, we spend some time every now and then on the computer for a short time playing songs but this is very minimal, she listens to music all the time, we are constantly reading books, she has learned to have play time in her crib when she wakes up in the morning, after her nap and before she falls asleep, we don't over schedule her, giving her time just to play sometimes by herself and sometimes with us.
Imagination is truly a wonderful part of growing up and I encourage you to allow your children to develop their imagination. There will be lasting benefits as they grow up and become adults.
I wonder how my daughter will use her imagination to cope with a new sibling that will be coming in a few months. Time shall tell!
Friday, November 26, 2010
What impact has disciplining with love had on Baby A?
As we have spent the past many, many months disciplining our daughter with love, it has been amazing to see what she has taken to. My brother makes fun of me and says things like, "Baby A's life is focused around time." "Why does she go to bed at 7:30 every night?" Well, when I think about it....yeah, we use time a lot but boy it works and it eliminates many tantrums.
If you have read any of the past posts you will have read about our consistent routines, how we give many choices, and how we use time in our choices; "We can go upstairs now or in 4 min." Now that Baby A is over 2 1/2 heading to 3...she uses these choices and time limits her self! When she needs a diaper change she says, "I need a diaper change in 2 min." Or when lunch is ready she says, "I'll eat in 2 min." 2 minutes has been the number she sticks to. Does she understand the concept of time and and how long 2 min. really is? No but after I tell her 2 min. is up we change her diaper or she eats lunch without a fuss. It is so darn easy!!! Now she likes when the timer is set. When she is totally engaged in her imaginary play and I tell her it is time for lunch she says, "NO!!! 2 minutes momma, when timer goes off." So I set the timer on the stove and when it goes off, she goes right to the table to eat lunch. I don't even have to reminder her. It is truly amazing!!! She is now taking the responsibility to give herself some time limits and knows when that time is up what she needs to do.
So have we hit the "terrible twos"? Absolutely NOT!!! Do we have some tantrums? Yes! Does she yell NO if she doesn't want to do something? Yes!! But is this age terrible? NO! If you think your child is in the "terrible twos" try some new ways of disciplining and see what you find out! My husband and I are having a blast raising her and we believe every parent should have a blast raising their own children as well!
If you have read any of the past posts you will have read about our consistent routines, how we give many choices, and how we use time in our choices; "We can go upstairs now or in 4 min." Now that Baby A is over 2 1/2 heading to 3...she uses these choices and time limits her self! When she needs a diaper change she says, "I need a diaper change in 2 min." Or when lunch is ready she says, "I'll eat in 2 min." 2 minutes has been the number she sticks to. Does she understand the concept of time and and how long 2 min. really is? No but after I tell her 2 min. is up we change her diaper or she eats lunch without a fuss. It is so darn easy!!! Now she likes when the timer is set. When she is totally engaged in her imaginary play and I tell her it is time for lunch she says, "NO!!! 2 minutes momma, when timer goes off." So I set the timer on the stove and when it goes off, she goes right to the table to eat lunch. I don't even have to reminder her. It is truly amazing!!! She is now taking the responsibility to give herself some time limits and knows when that time is up what she needs to do.
So have we hit the "terrible twos"? Absolutely NOT!!! Do we have some tantrums? Yes! Does she yell NO if she doesn't want to do something? Yes!! But is this age terrible? NO! If you think your child is in the "terrible twos" try some new ways of disciplining and see what you find out! My husband and I are having a blast raising her and we believe every parent should have a blast raising their own children as well!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
How did our bedtime routine get out of hand and what we did about it.
The last few weeks we have noticed our bedtime routine has taken longer and longer. Being 2 1/2, Baby A likes to do everything now that she can do it. Can you blame her? However, it takes a long, long time. She also likes to put her music on, dance, play a bit, and whatever else she can do. Well, my frustration had seemed to rise each night as I would get frustrated with everything she was doing. I was constantly threatening that we wouldn't read books if she didn't move quicker, or get her pj's on, or stop playing, etc. You can imagine how well that worked. Well, 3 nights ago we hit the bottom. Both Dad and I were upstairs doing the bedtime routine. I was so frustrated, I started doing things for her, which caused a major tantrum, and I finally said we wouldn't be reading any books. Dad was trying to diffuse the situation a bit, but I also believed that she can't act the way she was acting and get away with it. We are the parents, and we make the decisions, not her and I was NOT going to give in. Needless to say, bedtime took much longer now b/c I had to calm her down before putting her in her crib which took awhile. We didn't read books, but we did sing our songs. Once I got her to bed, I had to reflect on what happened. We were both very upset. It is rare that she acts like that and I knew some things had to change.
1. bedtime routines had to be revised a bit
2. I need to find away to keep from getting frustrated
3. We needed to figure out how we can make bedtime go a bit quicker while giving her the opportunity to do everything, but not draw it out
4. Ultimately, we are the parents and we need set the parameters.
Where was I to turn? I immediately picked up our Early Childhood Love and Logic book and looked through the table of contents to find something that I could read that would pertain to this situation. Well I found it and realized what I was doing wrong.
1. I was threatening
2. I was getting frustrated and she knew this
3. I wasn't using our empathetic word we started using awhile ago which is "bummer"
So I discussed a few things with Dad and we realized bedtime needed to look something like this:
1. We need to make sure there is enough time from the end of dinner and before bedtime that she can play a bit.
2. When we go upstairs, we need to give her some time (10min. or so) to play her music, dance and play
3. After time is up we need to calmly tell her that she has 10 min. to get her PJ's on so we can read books. If not, it is a "bummer" and we don't read books b/c we don't have time.
Now I'm not a fan of using books as a leverage b/c she loves reading them so much, but we do read them all the time and she needs to know she does have a time frame.
The next night we went for it. It was great. She had time to dance, play, and she barely made her time limit for reading books. Actually we stretched it a min. or two b/c I think we both didn't want a repeat of the night before.
The next night we did the same thing, only this time, she didn't make it. So I calmly said, "Bummer, we don't have our PJ's on and our time is up, we can't read books tonight." I was very pleasantly surprised at how she handled it. She was very sad and kept saying she wanted to read books, but she truly does know that when she hears the word "Bummer" that means something and we just have to move on. We went to brush teeth, sang our songs and she went to bed. No tantrum. The next morning she remembered what happened and said, "I didn't have books last night and I was sad." Since then, we have had time to read books.
So I would say this has been a great success and it is such a reminder that Love and Logic works. I am not getting frustrated anymore. I'm not threatening, I just say our "bummer" word and then the consequence and she knows that is it.
As I look back, I wonder how I forgot about this b/c we have been using Love and Logic from the beginning, but I guess it happens. The good thing is that we were able to reevaluate what we were doing, knowing it wasn't working, and we are back to our fun, happy, enjoyable bedtime routine.
1. bedtime routines had to be revised a bit
2. I need to find away to keep from getting frustrated
3. We needed to figure out how we can make bedtime go a bit quicker while giving her the opportunity to do everything, but not draw it out
4. Ultimately, we are the parents and we need set the parameters.
Where was I to turn? I immediately picked up our Early Childhood Love and Logic book and looked through the table of contents to find something that I could read that would pertain to this situation. Well I found it and realized what I was doing wrong.
1. I was threatening
2. I was getting frustrated and she knew this
3. I wasn't using our empathetic word we started using awhile ago which is "bummer"
So I discussed a few things with Dad and we realized bedtime needed to look something like this:
1. We need to make sure there is enough time from the end of dinner and before bedtime that she can play a bit.
2. When we go upstairs, we need to give her some time (10min. or so) to play her music, dance and play
3. After time is up we need to calmly tell her that she has 10 min. to get her PJ's on so we can read books. If not, it is a "bummer" and we don't read books b/c we don't have time.
Now I'm not a fan of using books as a leverage b/c she loves reading them so much, but we do read them all the time and she needs to know she does have a time frame.
The next night we went for it. It was great. She had time to dance, play, and she barely made her time limit for reading books. Actually we stretched it a min. or two b/c I think we both didn't want a repeat of the night before.
The next night we did the same thing, only this time, she didn't make it. So I calmly said, "Bummer, we don't have our PJ's on and our time is up, we can't read books tonight." I was very pleasantly surprised at how she handled it. She was very sad and kept saying she wanted to read books, but she truly does know that when she hears the word "Bummer" that means something and we just have to move on. We went to brush teeth, sang our songs and she went to bed. No tantrum. The next morning she remembered what happened and said, "I didn't have books last night and I was sad." Since then, we have had time to read books.
So I would say this has been a great success and it is such a reminder that Love and Logic works. I am not getting frustrated anymore. I'm not threatening, I just say our "bummer" word and then the consequence and she knows that is it.
As I look back, I wonder how I forgot about this b/c we have been using Love and Logic from the beginning, but I guess it happens. The good thing is that we were able to reevaluate what we were doing, knowing it wasn't working, and we are back to our fun, happy, enjoyable bedtime routine.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Who Are The Parents?
I have had two recent experiences lately that have made me wonder, why don't parents act like the parents?
In August, I was flying home from Maine and across the isle from me was a mom, dad, and a toddler. As we were getting ready to take off the mom was trying to get her toddler into a seat belt. Every time she tried he would scream. Finally the flight attendant came around and the mom asked her to tell her son he had to put on his seat belt. I was puzzled and wondering why the parent had to resort to this. Isn't she the parent? I truly believe the child understands what is going on. When a parent fails to show his/her parental skills (for lack of a better word)...the child will know and will take advantage of this.
Today, a similar situation happened. We were at the library for story time and a little boy wouldn't stay in his seat. He would walk around to all the other kids. The mother asked the librarian to tell him to sit down. Now she did a great job and got the toddler to sit down for a while, but why was it her responsibility? I don't understand.
As parents we have a job. Our job is to love our children, raise them in a loving and caring environment, teach them right from wrong, raise them with great values, provide a home for them, teach them about respecting others and treating everyone with kindness,(plus many more jobs) and most importantly...be their parents. Our children shouldn't be in charge and neither should another adult. When I told my husband this story he was flabbergasted as well. We were both raised to behave in public and be respectful to everyone around us. We don't expect anything less from our daughter. If I was the parent in the plane...I would have said to my daughter, "You can sit down and put your seat belt on, or I will sit you down and put the seat belt on." I can guarantee she would sit down on her own and fasten her seat belt. (this is in reference to a previous post about providing choices.) If I was the parent at story time...again I would have given her a choice, "You can come and sit down on the chair, or I will come and carry you to the chair." If that didn't work and she was being that distracting to the other kids, I would have said, "You can come and sit down and listen to the story or we will leave and go home." And yes, I would take her home if I had to.
I understand some things are easier said then done, but again we have responsibilities as parents even if that means we have to follow through on something we don't want to.
In August, I was flying home from Maine and across the isle from me was a mom, dad, and a toddler. As we were getting ready to take off the mom was trying to get her toddler into a seat belt. Every time she tried he would scream. Finally the flight attendant came around and the mom asked her to tell her son he had to put on his seat belt. I was puzzled and wondering why the parent had to resort to this. Isn't she the parent? I truly believe the child understands what is going on. When a parent fails to show his/her parental skills (for lack of a better word)...the child will know and will take advantage of this.
Today, a similar situation happened. We were at the library for story time and a little boy wouldn't stay in his seat. He would walk around to all the other kids. The mother asked the librarian to tell him to sit down. Now she did a great job and got the toddler to sit down for a while, but why was it her responsibility? I don't understand.
As parents we have a job. Our job is to love our children, raise them in a loving and caring environment, teach them right from wrong, raise them with great values, provide a home for them, teach them about respecting others and treating everyone with kindness,(plus many more jobs) and most importantly...be their parents. Our children shouldn't be in charge and neither should another adult. When I told my husband this story he was flabbergasted as well. We were both raised to behave in public and be respectful to everyone around us. We don't expect anything less from our daughter. If I was the parent in the plane...I would have said to my daughter, "You can sit down and put your seat belt on, or I will sit you down and put the seat belt on." I can guarantee she would sit down on her own and fasten her seat belt. (this is in reference to a previous post about providing choices.) If I was the parent at story time...again I would have given her a choice, "You can come and sit down on the chair, or I will come and carry you to the chair." If that didn't work and she was being that distracting to the other kids, I would have said, "You can come and sit down and listen to the story or we will leave and go home." And yes, I would take her home if I had to.
I understand some things are easier said then done, but again we have responsibilities as parents even if that means we have to follow through on something we don't want to.
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