What to do when you forget the Lovey at School

It's been a couple of weeks, but we are all back from vacation and back to our normal work schedule. Baby A adjusted very well! We did have a "first time" situation last Thursday night. I always knew at some point this would probably happen, hoping not...but it did. Baby A goes to daycare 2 days a week. She has two lovies she sleeps with. These are the lovies that have an animal head and then turn into a little blanket. She always slept with Doggy and Giraffe was the one she carried around each day. Now, she needs to have Giraffe with her in bed as well. Giraffe is the mobile lovey. He comes everywhere with us. We have only lost him once, at a farmer's market where he fell out of the stroller. Baby A was a few months older then 1 year. I remember putting Baby A in the car as we were leaving the farmer's market and noticing Giraffe was missing. I walked, well actually ran back through the farmer's market hoping I'd find it but I didn't. She didn't seem to notice and we didn't say anything. When we got home I hopped on the computer and ordered another one with express delivery. I should have ordered 2.

So back to last Thursday. Giraffe accompanies Baby A to Daycare two days a week for nap time. We walk into school in the morning and put Giraffe in her cubby, he is ready for her at nap, and we take him home when Baby A is picked up. Sometimes, Giraffe is wrapped up in her blanket and you don't see him. Dad picked Baby A up from school on this particular day. She got home, we played, ate dinner, and as we were ready to go up stairs to get ready for bed, I said, "Let's get Giraffe." Then I saw Dad's face. He looked a little startled and white. He whispered, "I don't think I got Giraffe. I don't remember seeing it." We looked at each other and I thought, oh no, this could be bad. So as we were getting ready for bed; putting on pj's, reading books, brushing teeth I was wondering how I was going to handle this one. I knew I couldn't lie. I don't want to model that and I had to believe that I had to go with the truth and whatever happens, we would deal with it. As we were doing our routine, she never once asked for Giraffe so I wondered if she wouldn't even notice. I put her in her crib, got ready to sing her the songs we sing before bedtime and then she said, "I want my Giraffe." I kneeled down and I said, "Honey, I'm really sorry but we left Giraffe at school. We can get him tomorrow." Then the tears came and my heart broke. I had to do some quick thinking. How was I going to get her calmed down so she could sleep tonight????? She kept asking for Giraffe and I kept saying sorry. (notice it was me and not Dad-Hee Hee) I decided to recognize the "Posse" of other animals and dolls in her crib. I showed all the different dogs, bears, rabbits, dolls, etc. She was excited at first and then wanted her Giraffe. What could I try next....oh, I know...I looked at her and said, "Do you want to pick another special animal from your basket to sleep with tonight and in the morning we will get Giraffe." She smiled and said, "yes" I couldn't believe this might work. So we went through the animals and she found a soft, pink sheep. She picked him up and took him to bed with a huge smile on her face. I kissed and hugged her and sang her songs. Then I left. Success!!! I was so proud of her for being so strong and flexible. I wonder where she got that from????

As I look back I am grateful on how this situation was handled. I told her the truth about Giraffe and found an alternate lovey for the night!

The next morning we found Giraffe at school and Baby A was very happy. We will never forget to bring home Giraffe again...but we should have an extra on hand, just in case!

Can giving choices eliminate tantrums?

We just spent 2 1/2 weeks in Maine visiting family and vacationing. What a great time! Even though we are on vacation, we still stick to routines and procedures we use for discipline. There is no sense in abandoning these even on vacation. Sure we might be a bit flexible but not much. Baby A is still in the learning stages at 2 and 5 months so there is no sense in confusing her with mixed messages. This brings me to choices. We follow Love and Logic and one aspect of Love and Logic is choices. This philosophy talks about how empowering it is for a child when they get to make choices. They can be simple choices such as, Which hat would you like to wear? Or would you like to wear a dress or shorts? We provide as many choices as we can for Baby A so that when they time comes and we have to make the choice we have some leverage. "You get to make lots of choices. Mommy needs to make this choice." However I have figured out that even when I or Dad have to make the choice, still sticking in a way for Baby A to make a choice eliminates a power struggle, fight, frustration, and a tantrum. Here is an example.

One day Baby A was swimming in Grammy's pool. It was 12 which is time for lunch and relaxing b/c 1pm is nap time. So I looked at her and said, "It is time to get out of the pool so we can have lunch." Of course her response is, "No!" Wouldn't you have the same response? The pool is a blast! So I started with choice #1. "We can get out now or in 5 min." She says, "5 min." I always leave a buffer of a few minutes when it is time to do something else b/c I know I will have to give her some sort of choice with a time limit. Plus, this gives her a warning that our time is up and we have to do something else. So we play again. When 5 minutes is up I say, "5 min. is up it is time to get out." Often she follows this without any hesitation. Not this day. Again she said, "No!" So I quickly had to think of how to incorporate a choice here. I wanted to avoid tantrums and I knew just picking her up and taking her out of the pool would have caused some issues, resulting into a tantrum. Then it came to me. "You can climb up the ladder by yourself or I can lift you out." (choice #2) I realized this is it! She loves to do things by herself so if she gets an opportunity to choose how she will get out of the pool, this will make her happy. So she climbed right out without any hesitation, we dried off, and went in the house to have lunch. Can it be that simple? Sure it can. Even though I had to make the choice of getting out of the pool b/c the 5 min. was up, I still gave her a choice on how she wanted to get out of the pool. That eliminated all chances of tantrums.

So now we incorporate that as much as possible. I have also used this one, "You can walk to your room or I can carry you." She says, "walk" and off she goes. No tantrum. It is that simple! So who says age 2 is the "terrible twos"? I haven't seen that yet and don't think I will!

Is a red eye flight a good idea for a 2 year old?

In June we were looking for flights so we could fly to Maine and spend time with my in-laws. As we were looking we were noticing that the flights were expensive. At least double from the last time we bought them to fly to Maine. Plus, we had to buy a third ticket now that our daughter is 2. We were looking for decent flying times, from Denver to Portland, Maine which means we have to go through a city. There is no direct flight from Denver to Portland, Maine. The decent times, leaving Denver in the morning and returning to Denver in the late afternoon, were super expensive. We are talking about 900+ dollars. Well, 3 tickets at that price would be too much money and we wouldn't have much to spend on vacation. So what do we do???? Well, we caved and went for a red-eye flight. We had to decide if we would be taking the red-eye at the beginning of the trip or the late night at the end which wouldn't put us home until 3am. Knowing I had to work the next day, pretty much nixed that option. So we opted for the red-eye at the beginning of the trip. This isn't Baby A's first Red-Eye. She took one a year ago. Did good but this time she is more alert, and a little person. We knew she wouldn't get much sleep and for a child who has schedules and routines, how would this effect her? I knew she would be fine but I have never seen her over tired b/c of her routines that I wasn't sure how the lack of night time sleep would effect her.

We wanted to make the day before we left as calm and normal as possible. We woke up on Monday morning, packed the car and drove 2 hours to my mom's house. She lives only about 30 min. from the Denver Airport. We spent the day there, putting Baby A to bed for nap time at her usual time, 1pm. She slept 2 1/2 hours. Yeah!!! We hung out and put her to bed at her normal 7:30 pm time. She crashed out. Good so far. At 9:30 we woke her up to head to the airport for our 1am flight. She was awake in the car and we told her to go to sleep again. And she did!!! Good for her! Once we got to the airport, she woke up. I thought once we got through security we would be able to find a quiet, dark corner to wait for the plane and get her back to sleep. No such luck. We tried, held her, rocked her, but she didn't sleep. Too much excitement going on. She was up,talking, looking at the planes, but not once showed any signs of anxiety, tiredness, crankiness, etc. Once we were on the plane and in the air, she finally fell asleep. She woke up about 20 min. before landing, looking at people, playing, looking out the window since the sun was up now that we were on the East Coast! One gal across the row from her was so impressed. She didn't make one, unhappy peep the whole time. We got off the plane, ate breakfast at 7:00 a.m. which was really 5 a.m. our time, and waited 3 hours for our next plane. Again, she was playing, watching all the people, and looking at the planes. Not once showing any sign of being over tired. Our next flight was only about 1 hour long but we thought getting 5 hours of sleep she would crash out. Not so fast. She had a ball. We got to Grammy's house and played it cool. We kept her schedule and switched her to Eastern Time, putting her down for her nap at 1pm and bedtime at 7:30pm. When she wasn't sleeping, she was riding her tricylce, swimming, playing with the dog, and happy as a clam.

We are still wondering what made her such a tropper? How come she didn't show signs of being tired? How come she never cried or was cranky? We don't know. We could only assume it is b/c she gets her 13 hours of sleep on a daily basis, is well rested, has consistency, and a schedule that we don't mess with. She probably wouldn't mind taking another red-eye flight.

As for me.....That is another story!

Testing our strength to follow through and support one another

Everyday we continue to teach our daughter manners, respect, how to share, love, and many other important values. Each day something new happens or she tests us in a way that we have to follow through on what we say. As hard as it is we have to do it. Two things have happened this week that have tested us on our calmness, sternness and on supporting each other.

When both Dad and I are home we often put baby A to bed together. We go to her bedroom, read books, calm down, change diaper, put pj's on, drink milk, brush teeth, sing her a lullaby and put her down. We love this routine and ritual. It is so calming for her and by the time we walk out of her room she is ready to go to bed.

As we were hanging out in the bed room sitting on the floor with Baby A standing between us, she decided to hit me. So I said our usual, "Bummer, 1 minute time out and picked her up and put her in the hall facing the wall." After one minute I said, "Time out is over I love you." In she walked with a somewhat mischevious smile on her face. She came and stood right b/w dad and I, facing Daddy. Now Daddy asked her to do something, I can't remember what it was, but it made her unhappy. She decided to bring her right arm back and slap him across the face. I'm not talking about a little, soft slap. I'm talking about the slap across the face you see on soap operas. I went, "uh" and Daddy stayed calm and said, "Time out, go in the hall." As soon as she was out of sight, he started into a silent laugh and I turned my head into the closet and laughed hysterically, but silently into my arm. Of course we don't want her to hear or see us laughing because that would be very encouraging for her. We had 1 min. to get our laughs out. When T.O. was over, she came in with a somewhat similar smile as before but laid on the floor waiting for her diaper change. Of course Daddy did say, "I love you." I guess those two time outs told her that she can't get away with hitting people. The rest of our bedtime routine went without a hitch.

Last night we were having dinner outside on the deck. You couldn't have asked for a more perfect evening. The weather was amazing, no wind, homemade stir fry, we had played outside all day and now we were enjoying each others company for dinner. Once Daddy and I were done with dinner we were just hanging out at the table as Baby A continued to eat. There were some things in the stir fry she didn't like, like those little corns. So if she got them in her mouth she would spit them in her hand and we would tell her to put it on her plate. Well, after a few times of this she decided to take some and drop it on the ground. She did this after I said, "You don't have to eat that, just put it on your plate." So I had to act fast and say, "bummer, we don't drop our food on the floor, dinner is over." I stood up and took her plate inside. This caused a raucous. She was super sad. She kept crying and saying, "My food, my dinner time." I so bad wanted to give it back to her because she rarely throws food on the floor and if she drops it in an accident I wouldn't take the plate. But this clearly wasn't an accident. She has to learn that we don't throw our food on the floor. So I let her cry. Daddy missed the whole thing so was unsure of what happened. As she continued to cry Daddy asked, "Did you throw your food on the ground." She said, "Yes." At least she admits it. Well after about 5 min. I was able to get her out of her seat and get ready to head up stairs. She saw a banana on the counter and started to stay, "My mana." So dad was all for giving her this, I wasn't. His concern was he didn't want her to go to bed hungry. I felt it was o.k. b/c she still had milk to eat and she did eat a lot of her dinner. As soon as she got the banana she was done crying.

What will the consequence of this be for us? I guess time will tell.

Time Out or A Different Consequence?

This past week we went to a friend's cabin up in the Black Hills of SD. It was about a 6 1/2 hour drive. Baby A was great. We arrived at 5pm. It was enough time to have a good dinner, get her some exercise and get her to bed.

The following day we had breakfast and then went driving around. We ended up in a small town that is about 30 min. from the cabin. By the time we arrived it was 12. I was hoping we would get back by 1 for nap but it didn't seem like it as we needed to eat lunch and there was a fish hatchery down the street we wanted to take Baby A to feed the fish. By the time we got back to the cabin it was 2. An hour late. Yes it bothers me a bit, but we were on vacation so I could deal with an hour late. She didn't sleep as long as she normally does, probably because we were somewhere else that was new and exciting. Once she got up it was pretty late so we hung around the cabin. I went on a mountain bike ride and Baby A got to ride her bike around the cabin with her dad and friend. Dad fed her dinner. I returned at 7. It was time to get her ready for bed. Baby A and friend were playing peek-a-boo. She was having a blast, belly laughing like you couldn't believe. When we went down stairs to get ready for bed she was calming down. Then it happened....

I laid her on the bed to change her diaper and she hit me. So I said, "Bummer, time out" I put her against the wall for 1 min. Then I said, "Time out is over. I love you." So I resumed in trying to change her diaper again and she hit me again. Deja Vu. Time out again. After the third time I started to get a bit frustrated. I had to decide, will I keep putting her in time out b/c that is her consequence, which could mean getting ready for bed could take a long time. Or do I do something else. On the spur of the moment I decided to skip time out and I said, If you keep hitting me we will go straight to bed without ready books. She kept hitting me so I quickly finished changing her, put her pj's on, and put her in her crib. I said, "I love you. Goodnight." Then it hit her. I watched her mouth turn down, open wide and start to cry saying, "Books." I reiterated, "I am sorry honey, I love you but you chose to keep hitting me so you have to go straight to bed without ready books." Then I left. Boy did she cry. I walked upstairs and looked at my friend. I wasn't sure what to do. I don't want to take books away from her but at the time Time Out wasn't working. After a bit I went back down b/c she was still crying, hard and when I opened the door, she said, "Books," through her tears. I repeated again what had happened, told her I loved her and it was time for bed. Then I went back up stairs. I proceeded to go back one more time but couldn't calm her down. I know if I took just one book out that would do it, but if I did it...she would start to think she was in charge. She needs to learn there are consequences other than Time Out and some will be very sad.

Around 8:30pm her father came home and heard her crying. I quickly explained the situation and he said, "I'll go down, is there anything you want me to do." I said, "Just don't read her a book."

A few minutes later he came up and all was quiet. I wondered, "Did he read a book?" Then I realized that we are both on the same page and we don't contradict each other. He ended up picking her up for a few minutes to hug and rock her.

Did this consequence work? Is she still hitting me? Yes, every now and then and she goes into time out but she hasn't hit me while we have been getting ready for bed. I think she likes her books too much!

Time Outs

We are definitely in the stage of Time Out. We started it a while back when Baby A would hit me, not dad because she never hit him, just me. Well, yesterday...was a full blown time out day. We probably had 5 time outs within the first hour of our morning. So of course it makes me wonder...does it work? We follow the Love and Logic advice on time outs. When Baby A does something, in this case, we say "Bummer! Time Out for 1 minute." We sit her by the stairs facing the wall and don't pay attention to her for 1 min. Then when it is over we say, "Time out is over! I love you!" She usually says, "No Hit". It is suggested not to react much, but when it happens over and over again in a short amount of time, it is hard not to react. My doctor suggested that if she hits, be stern and say, "No Hitting! You need to go to Time Out." So I have tried both. It probably isn't good to be a bit inconsistent with the reaction. I like the bummer idea but wonder if she needs something a bit more stern so she knows it is wrong. On the other hand, I wonder if being more stern shows her she is getting a reaction out of me so she will do it again. Today she was with Dad for the morning. She only had two time outs. Yes, she is hitting him now too. I think she is getting really smart and testing more and more.

So as I sit and wonder if it works, I do believe it does, I just wonder if she is hitting more to see if we keep putting her in time out. If she thinks she will break us down...she is wrong. She will keep going to time out. I am predicting that eventually she will get bored of going to time out and it will subside a bit. I look forward to that day. In the mean time, I am going back to my Love and Logic Books and reading the chapter about 2 year olds and logical discipline. I am grateful for this book!

Camping and Sticking to Schedules-Does it Work?

Last week we went on our first camping trip of the season. Not only was it the first trip of the season but two of Baby A's friends were with us with their parents. Prior to this trip, Baby A was always the only little person there. This could be a different experience. Would we stick to the routines? Of course WE would but would she? I figured she would but you never know when there are other little people around. It could get challenging. Dad and Uncle went out early Friday to secure us a good camping spot. Baby A, me, Aunt, and Friend drove out together. We didn't leave our place until 5. I knew that getting there by Baby A's bedtime, 7:30, would be a challenge. She would want to run a round a bit. By the time we got there it was just after 7:30. Pretty much all camp was set up, but I had a few things to get done for her before she went to bed. We were flexible a bit on this night. We let her play with her friends for a bit. By the time she got to bed it was 8:30, an hour later. She did fine, fell asleep quickly, and slept all the way through the night. No she did not sleep longer, but she woke up and played for a bit before dad and I moved.

Next day was a fun filled day in the sun and wind. Nap time came. All the girls went down at the same time and believe me, she was ready. She was tired and is so used to napping at that time she doesn't even fuss. Now when we camp, dinner doesn't tend to be made early for the adults, but we tried. By the time we ate dinner it was 7:00 on Sat. night. 30 min. to eat and get to bed? Nearly impossible. When it was time, we made our rounds and she happily said her goodnights to everyone, including her friends. We got into the crib by 7:45 and she was out. 15 min. late, not so bad and no fuss from her.

We are so proud of her and how she handles her routines. Rarely do we have any fussing. She knows when it is her bedtime and she is ready for it!