What impact has disciplining with love had on Baby A?

As we have spent the past many, many months disciplining our daughter with love, it has been amazing to see what she has taken to. My brother makes fun of me and says things like, "Baby A's life is focused around time." "Why does she go to bed at 7:30 every night?" Well, when I think about it....yeah, we use time a lot but boy it works and it eliminates many tantrums.

If you have read any of the past posts you will have read about our consistent routines, how we give many choices, and how we use time in our choices; "We can go upstairs now or in 4 min." Now that Baby A is over 2 1/2 heading to 3...she uses these choices and time limits her self! When she needs a diaper change she says, "I need a diaper change in 2 min." Or when lunch is ready she says, "I'll eat in 2 min." 2 minutes has been the number she sticks to. Does she understand the concept of time and and how long 2 min. really is? No but after I tell her 2 min. is up we change her diaper or she eats lunch without a fuss. It is so darn easy!!! Now she likes when the timer is set. When she is totally engaged in her imaginary play and I tell her it is time for lunch she says, "NO!!! 2 minutes momma, when timer goes off." So I set the timer on the stove and when it goes off, she goes right to the table to eat lunch. I don't even have to reminder her. It is truly amazing!!! She is now taking the responsibility to give herself some time limits and knows when that time is up what she needs to do.

So have we hit the "terrible twos"? Absolutely NOT!!! Do we have some tantrums? Yes! Does she yell NO if she doesn't want to do something? Yes!! But is this age terrible? NO! If you think your child is in the "terrible twos" try some new ways of disciplining and see what you find out! My husband and I are having a blast raising her and we believe every parent should have a blast raising their own children as well!

How did our bedtime routine get out of hand and what we did about it.

The last few weeks we have noticed our bedtime routine has taken longer and longer. Being 2 1/2, Baby A likes to do everything now that she can do it. Can you blame her? However, it takes a long, long time. She also likes to put her music on, dance, play a bit, and whatever else she can do. Well, my frustration had seemed to rise each night as I would get frustrated with everything she was doing. I was constantly threatening that we wouldn't read books if she didn't move quicker, or get her pj's on, or stop playing, etc. You can imagine how well that worked. Well, 3 nights ago we hit the bottom. Both Dad and I were upstairs doing the bedtime routine. I was so frustrated, I started doing things for her, which caused a major tantrum, and I finally said we wouldn't be reading any books. Dad was trying to diffuse the situation a bit, but I also believed that she can't act the way she was acting and get away with it. We are the parents, and we make the decisions, not her and I was NOT going to give in. Needless to say, bedtime took much longer now b/c I had to calm her down before putting her in her crib which took awhile. We didn't read books, but we did sing our songs. Once I got her to bed, I had to reflect on what happened. We were both very upset. It is rare that she acts like that and I knew some things had to change.

1. bedtime routines had to be revised a bit
2. I need to find away to keep from getting frustrated
3. We needed to figure out how we can make bedtime go a bit quicker while giving her the opportunity to do everything, but not draw it out
4. Ultimately, we are the parents and we need set the parameters.

Where was I to turn? I immediately picked up our Early Childhood Love and Logic book and looked through the table of contents to find something that I could read that would pertain to this situation. Well I found it and realized what I was doing wrong.

1. I was threatening
2. I was getting frustrated and she knew this
3. I wasn't using our empathetic word we started using awhile ago which is "bummer"

So I discussed a few things with Dad and we realized bedtime needed to look something like this:

1. We need to make sure there is enough time from the end of dinner and before bedtime that she can play a bit.
2. When we go upstairs, we need to give her some time (10min. or so) to play her music, dance and play
3. After time is up we need to calmly tell her that she has 10 min. to get her PJ's on so we can read books. If not, it is a "bummer" and we don't read books b/c we don't have time.

Now I'm not a fan of using books as a leverage b/c she loves reading them so much, but we do read them all the time and she needs to know she does have a time frame.

The next night we went for it. It was great. She had time to dance, play, and she barely made her time limit for reading books. Actually we stretched it a min. or two b/c I think we both didn't want a repeat of the night before.

The next night we did the same thing, only this time, she didn't make it. So I calmly said, "Bummer, we don't have our PJ's on and our time is up, we can't read books tonight." I was very pleasantly surprised at how she handled it. She was very sad and kept saying she wanted to read books, but she truly does know that when she hears the word "Bummer" that means something and we just have to move on. We went to brush teeth, sang our songs and she went to bed. No tantrum. The next morning she remembered what happened and said, "I didn't have books last night and I was sad." Since then, we have had time to read books.

So I would say this has been a great success and it is such a reminder that Love and Logic works. I am not getting frustrated anymore. I'm not threatening, I just say our "bummer" word and then the consequence and she knows that is it.

As I look back, I wonder how I forgot about this b/c we have been using Love and Logic from the beginning, but I guess it happens. The good thing is that we were able to reevaluate what we were doing, knowing it wasn't working, and we are back to our fun, happy, enjoyable bedtime routine.

Who Are The Parents?

I have had two recent experiences lately that have made me wonder, why don't parents act like the parents?

In August, I was flying home from Maine and across the isle from me was a mom, dad, and a toddler. As we were getting ready to take off the mom was trying to get her toddler into a seat belt. Every time she tried he would scream. Finally the flight attendant came around and the mom asked her to tell her son he had to put on his seat belt. I was puzzled and wondering why the parent had to resort to this. Isn't she the parent? I truly believe the child understands what is going on. When a parent fails to show his/her parental skills (for lack of a better word)...the child will know and will take advantage of this.

Today, a similar situation happened. We were at the library for story time and a little boy wouldn't stay in his seat. He would walk around to all the other kids. The mother asked the librarian to tell him to sit down. Now she did a great job and got the toddler to sit down for a while, but why was it her responsibility? I don't understand.

As parents we have a job. Our job is to love our children, raise them in a loving and caring environment, teach them right from wrong, raise them with great values, provide a home for them, teach them about respecting others and treating everyone with kindness,(plus many more jobs) and most importantly...be their parents. Our children shouldn't be in charge and neither should another adult. When I told my husband this story he was flabbergasted as well. We were both raised to behave in public and be respectful to everyone around us. We don't expect anything less from our daughter. If I was the parent in the plane...I would have said to my daughter, "You can sit down and put your seat belt on, or I will sit you down and put the seat belt on." I can guarantee she would sit down on her own and fasten her seat belt. (this is in reference to a previous post about providing choices.) If I was the parent at story time...again I would have given her a choice, "You can come and sit down on the chair, or I will come and carry you to the chair." If that didn't work and she was being that distracting to the other kids, I would have said, "You can come and sit down and listen to the story or we will leave and go home." And yes, I would take her home if I had to.

I understand some things are easier said then done, but again we have responsibilities as parents even if that means we have to follow through on something we don't want to.

What to do when you forget the Lovey at School

It's been a couple of weeks, but we are all back from vacation and back to our normal work schedule. Baby A adjusted very well! We did have a "first time" situation last Thursday night. I always knew at some point this would probably happen, hoping not...but it did. Baby A goes to daycare 2 days a week. She has two lovies she sleeps with. These are the lovies that have an animal head and then turn into a little blanket. She always slept with Doggy and Giraffe was the one she carried around each day. Now, she needs to have Giraffe with her in bed as well. Giraffe is the mobile lovey. He comes everywhere with us. We have only lost him once, at a farmer's market where he fell out of the stroller. Baby A was a few months older then 1 year. I remember putting Baby A in the car as we were leaving the farmer's market and noticing Giraffe was missing. I walked, well actually ran back through the farmer's market hoping I'd find it but I didn't. She didn't seem to notice and we didn't say anything. When we got home I hopped on the computer and ordered another one with express delivery. I should have ordered 2.

So back to last Thursday. Giraffe accompanies Baby A to Daycare two days a week for nap time. We walk into school in the morning and put Giraffe in her cubby, he is ready for her at nap, and we take him home when Baby A is picked up. Sometimes, Giraffe is wrapped up in her blanket and you don't see him. Dad picked Baby A up from school on this particular day. She got home, we played, ate dinner, and as we were ready to go up stairs to get ready for bed, I said, "Let's get Giraffe." Then I saw Dad's face. He looked a little startled and white. He whispered, "I don't think I got Giraffe. I don't remember seeing it." We looked at each other and I thought, oh no, this could be bad. So as we were getting ready for bed; putting on pj's, reading books, brushing teeth I was wondering how I was going to handle this one. I knew I couldn't lie. I don't want to model that and I had to believe that I had to go with the truth and whatever happens, we would deal with it. As we were doing our routine, she never once asked for Giraffe so I wondered if she wouldn't even notice. I put her in her crib, got ready to sing her the songs we sing before bedtime and then she said, "I want my Giraffe." I kneeled down and I said, "Honey, I'm really sorry but we left Giraffe at school. We can get him tomorrow." Then the tears came and my heart broke. I had to do some quick thinking. How was I going to get her calmed down so she could sleep tonight????? She kept asking for Giraffe and I kept saying sorry. (notice it was me and not Dad-Hee Hee) I decided to recognize the "Posse" of other animals and dolls in her crib. I showed all the different dogs, bears, rabbits, dolls, etc. She was excited at first and then wanted her Giraffe. What could I try next....oh, I know...I looked at her and said, "Do you want to pick another special animal from your basket to sleep with tonight and in the morning we will get Giraffe." She smiled and said, "yes" I couldn't believe this might work. So we went through the animals and she found a soft, pink sheep. She picked him up and took him to bed with a huge smile on her face. I kissed and hugged her and sang her songs. Then I left. Success!!! I was so proud of her for being so strong and flexible. I wonder where she got that from????

As I look back I am grateful on how this situation was handled. I told her the truth about Giraffe and found an alternate lovey for the night!

The next morning we found Giraffe at school and Baby A was very happy. We will never forget to bring home Giraffe again...but we should have an extra on hand, just in case!

Can giving choices eliminate tantrums?

We just spent 2 1/2 weeks in Maine visiting family and vacationing. What a great time! Even though we are on vacation, we still stick to routines and procedures we use for discipline. There is no sense in abandoning these even on vacation. Sure we might be a bit flexible but not much. Baby A is still in the learning stages at 2 and 5 months so there is no sense in confusing her with mixed messages. This brings me to choices. We follow Love and Logic and one aspect of Love and Logic is choices. This philosophy talks about how empowering it is for a child when they get to make choices. They can be simple choices such as, Which hat would you like to wear? Or would you like to wear a dress or shorts? We provide as many choices as we can for Baby A so that when they time comes and we have to make the choice we have some leverage. "You get to make lots of choices. Mommy needs to make this choice." However I have figured out that even when I or Dad have to make the choice, still sticking in a way for Baby A to make a choice eliminates a power struggle, fight, frustration, and a tantrum. Here is an example.

One day Baby A was swimming in Grammy's pool. It was 12 which is time for lunch and relaxing b/c 1pm is nap time. So I looked at her and said, "It is time to get out of the pool so we can have lunch." Of course her response is, "No!" Wouldn't you have the same response? The pool is a blast! So I started with choice #1. "We can get out now or in 5 min." She says, "5 min." I always leave a buffer of a few minutes when it is time to do something else b/c I know I will have to give her some sort of choice with a time limit. Plus, this gives her a warning that our time is up and we have to do something else. So we play again. When 5 minutes is up I say, "5 min. is up it is time to get out." Often she follows this without any hesitation. Not this day. Again she said, "No!" So I quickly had to think of how to incorporate a choice here. I wanted to avoid tantrums and I knew just picking her up and taking her out of the pool would have caused some issues, resulting into a tantrum. Then it came to me. "You can climb up the ladder by yourself or I can lift you out." (choice #2) I realized this is it! She loves to do things by herself so if she gets an opportunity to choose how she will get out of the pool, this will make her happy. So she climbed right out without any hesitation, we dried off, and went in the house to have lunch. Can it be that simple? Sure it can. Even though I had to make the choice of getting out of the pool b/c the 5 min. was up, I still gave her a choice on how she wanted to get out of the pool. That eliminated all chances of tantrums.

So now we incorporate that as much as possible. I have also used this one, "You can walk to your room or I can carry you." She says, "walk" and off she goes. No tantrum. It is that simple! So who says age 2 is the "terrible twos"? I haven't seen that yet and don't think I will!

Is a red eye flight a good idea for a 2 year old?

In June we were looking for flights so we could fly to Maine and spend time with my in-laws. As we were looking we were noticing that the flights were expensive. At least double from the last time we bought them to fly to Maine. Plus, we had to buy a third ticket now that our daughter is 2. We were looking for decent flying times, from Denver to Portland, Maine which means we have to go through a city. There is no direct flight from Denver to Portland, Maine. The decent times, leaving Denver in the morning and returning to Denver in the late afternoon, were super expensive. We are talking about 900+ dollars. Well, 3 tickets at that price would be too much money and we wouldn't have much to spend on vacation. So what do we do???? Well, we caved and went for a red-eye flight. We had to decide if we would be taking the red-eye at the beginning of the trip or the late night at the end which wouldn't put us home until 3am. Knowing I had to work the next day, pretty much nixed that option. So we opted for the red-eye at the beginning of the trip. This isn't Baby A's first Red-Eye. She took one a year ago. Did good but this time she is more alert, and a little person. We knew she wouldn't get much sleep and for a child who has schedules and routines, how would this effect her? I knew she would be fine but I have never seen her over tired b/c of her routines that I wasn't sure how the lack of night time sleep would effect her.

We wanted to make the day before we left as calm and normal as possible. We woke up on Monday morning, packed the car and drove 2 hours to my mom's house. She lives only about 30 min. from the Denver Airport. We spent the day there, putting Baby A to bed for nap time at her usual time, 1pm. She slept 2 1/2 hours. Yeah!!! We hung out and put her to bed at her normal 7:30 pm time. She crashed out. Good so far. At 9:30 we woke her up to head to the airport for our 1am flight. She was awake in the car and we told her to go to sleep again. And she did!!! Good for her! Once we got to the airport, she woke up. I thought once we got through security we would be able to find a quiet, dark corner to wait for the plane and get her back to sleep. No such luck. We tried, held her, rocked her, but she didn't sleep. Too much excitement going on. She was up,talking, looking at the planes, but not once showed any signs of anxiety, tiredness, crankiness, etc. Once we were on the plane and in the air, she finally fell asleep. She woke up about 20 min. before landing, looking at people, playing, looking out the window since the sun was up now that we were on the East Coast! One gal across the row from her was so impressed. She didn't make one, unhappy peep the whole time. We got off the plane, ate breakfast at 7:00 a.m. which was really 5 a.m. our time, and waited 3 hours for our next plane. Again, she was playing, watching all the people, and looking at the planes. Not once showing any sign of being over tired. Our next flight was only about 1 hour long but we thought getting 5 hours of sleep she would crash out. Not so fast. She had a ball. We got to Grammy's house and played it cool. We kept her schedule and switched her to Eastern Time, putting her down for her nap at 1pm and bedtime at 7:30pm. When she wasn't sleeping, she was riding her tricylce, swimming, playing with the dog, and happy as a clam.

We are still wondering what made her such a tropper? How come she didn't show signs of being tired? How come she never cried or was cranky? We don't know. We could only assume it is b/c she gets her 13 hours of sleep on a daily basis, is well rested, has consistency, and a schedule that we don't mess with. She probably wouldn't mind taking another red-eye flight.

As for me.....That is another story!

Testing our strength to follow through and support one another

Everyday we continue to teach our daughter manners, respect, how to share, love, and many other important values. Each day something new happens or she tests us in a way that we have to follow through on what we say. As hard as it is we have to do it. Two things have happened this week that have tested us on our calmness, sternness and on supporting each other.

When both Dad and I are home we often put baby A to bed together. We go to her bedroom, read books, calm down, change diaper, put pj's on, drink milk, brush teeth, sing her a lullaby and put her down. We love this routine and ritual. It is so calming for her and by the time we walk out of her room she is ready to go to bed.

As we were hanging out in the bed room sitting on the floor with Baby A standing between us, she decided to hit me. So I said our usual, "Bummer, 1 minute time out and picked her up and put her in the hall facing the wall." After one minute I said, "Time out is over I love you." In she walked with a somewhat mischevious smile on her face. She came and stood right b/w dad and I, facing Daddy. Now Daddy asked her to do something, I can't remember what it was, but it made her unhappy. She decided to bring her right arm back and slap him across the face. I'm not talking about a little, soft slap. I'm talking about the slap across the face you see on soap operas. I went, "uh" and Daddy stayed calm and said, "Time out, go in the hall." As soon as she was out of sight, he started into a silent laugh and I turned my head into the closet and laughed hysterically, but silently into my arm. Of course we don't want her to hear or see us laughing because that would be very encouraging for her. We had 1 min. to get our laughs out. When T.O. was over, she came in with a somewhat similar smile as before but laid on the floor waiting for her diaper change. Of course Daddy did say, "I love you." I guess those two time outs told her that she can't get away with hitting people. The rest of our bedtime routine went without a hitch.

Last night we were having dinner outside on the deck. You couldn't have asked for a more perfect evening. The weather was amazing, no wind, homemade stir fry, we had played outside all day and now we were enjoying each others company for dinner. Once Daddy and I were done with dinner we were just hanging out at the table as Baby A continued to eat. There were some things in the stir fry she didn't like, like those little corns. So if she got them in her mouth she would spit them in her hand and we would tell her to put it on her plate. Well, after a few times of this she decided to take some and drop it on the ground. She did this after I said, "You don't have to eat that, just put it on your plate." So I had to act fast and say, "bummer, we don't drop our food on the floor, dinner is over." I stood up and took her plate inside. This caused a raucous. She was super sad. She kept crying and saying, "My food, my dinner time." I so bad wanted to give it back to her because she rarely throws food on the floor and if she drops it in an accident I wouldn't take the plate. But this clearly wasn't an accident. She has to learn that we don't throw our food on the floor. So I let her cry. Daddy missed the whole thing so was unsure of what happened. As she continued to cry Daddy asked, "Did you throw your food on the ground." She said, "Yes." At least she admits it. Well after about 5 min. I was able to get her out of her seat and get ready to head up stairs. She saw a banana on the counter and started to stay, "My mana." So dad was all for giving her this, I wasn't. His concern was he didn't want her to go to bed hungry. I felt it was o.k. b/c she still had milk to eat and she did eat a lot of her dinner. As soon as she got the banana she was done crying.

What will the consequence of this be for us? I guess time will tell.

Time Out or A Different Consequence?

This past week we went to a friend's cabin up in the Black Hills of SD. It was about a 6 1/2 hour drive. Baby A was great. We arrived at 5pm. It was enough time to have a good dinner, get her some exercise and get her to bed.

The following day we had breakfast and then went driving around. We ended up in a small town that is about 30 min. from the cabin. By the time we arrived it was 12. I was hoping we would get back by 1 for nap but it didn't seem like it as we needed to eat lunch and there was a fish hatchery down the street we wanted to take Baby A to feed the fish. By the time we got back to the cabin it was 2. An hour late. Yes it bothers me a bit, but we were on vacation so I could deal with an hour late. She didn't sleep as long as she normally does, probably because we were somewhere else that was new and exciting. Once she got up it was pretty late so we hung around the cabin. I went on a mountain bike ride and Baby A got to ride her bike around the cabin with her dad and friend. Dad fed her dinner. I returned at 7. It was time to get her ready for bed. Baby A and friend were playing peek-a-boo. She was having a blast, belly laughing like you couldn't believe. When we went down stairs to get ready for bed she was calming down. Then it happened....

I laid her on the bed to change her diaper and she hit me. So I said, "Bummer, time out" I put her against the wall for 1 min. Then I said, "Time out is over. I love you." So I resumed in trying to change her diaper again and she hit me again. Deja Vu. Time out again. After the third time I started to get a bit frustrated. I had to decide, will I keep putting her in time out b/c that is her consequence, which could mean getting ready for bed could take a long time. Or do I do something else. On the spur of the moment I decided to skip time out and I said, If you keep hitting me we will go straight to bed without ready books. She kept hitting me so I quickly finished changing her, put her pj's on, and put her in her crib. I said, "I love you. Goodnight." Then it hit her. I watched her mouth turn down, open wide and start to cry saying, "Books." I reiterated, "I am sorry honey, I love you but you chose to keep hitting me so you have to go straight to bed without ready books." Then I left. Boy did she cry. I walked upstairs and looked at my friend. I wasn't sure what to do. I don't want to take books away from her but at the time Time Out wasn't working. After a bit I went back down b/c she was still crying, hard and when I opened the door, she said, "Books," through her tears. I repeated again what had happened, told her I loved her and it was time for bed. Then I went back up stairs. I proceeded to go back one more time but couldn't calm her down. I know if I took just one book out that would do it, but if I did it...she would start to think she was in charge. She needs to learn there are consequences other than Time Out and some will be very sad.

Around 8:30pm her father came home and heard her crying. I quickly explained the situation and he said, "I'll go down, is there anything you want me to do." I said, "Just don't read her a book."

A few minutes later he came up and all was quiet. I wondered, "Did he read a book?" Then I realized that we are both on the same page and we don't contradict each other. He ended up picking her up for a few minutes to hug and rock her.

Did this consequence work? Is she still hitting me? Yes, every now and then and she goes into time out but she hasn't hit me while we have been getting ready for bed. I think she likes her books too much!

Time Outs

We are definitely in the stage of Time Out. We started it a while back when Baby A would hit me, not dad because she never hit him, just me. Well, yesterday...was a full blown time out day. We probably had 5 time outs within the first hour of our morning. So of course it makes me wonder...does it work? We follow the Love and Logic advice on time outs. When Baby A does something, in this case, we say "Bummer! Time Out for 1 minute." We sit her by the stairs facing the wall and don't pay attention to her for 1 min. Then when it is over we say, "Time out is over! I love you!" She usually says, "No Hit". It is suggested not to react much, but when it happens over and over again in a short amount of time, it is hard not to react. My doctor suggested that if she hits, be stern and say, "No Hitting! You need to go to Time Out." So I have tried both. It probably isn't good to be a bit inconsistent with the reaction. I like the bummer idea but wonder if she needs something a bit more stern so she knows it is wrong. On the other hand, I wonder if being more stern shows her she is getting a reaction out of me so she will do it again. Today she was with Dad for the morning. She only had two time outs. Yes, she is hitting him now too. I think she is getting really smart and testing more and more.

So as I sit and wonder if it works, I do believe it does, I just wonder if she is hitting more to see if we keep putting her in time out. If she thinks she will break us down...she is wrong. She will keep going to time out. I am predicting that eventually she will get bored of going to time out and it will subside a bit. I look forward to that day. In the mean time, I am going back to my Love and Logic Books and reading the chapter about 2 year olds and logical discipline. I am grateful for this book!

Camping and Sticking to Schedules-Does it Work?

Last week we went on our first camping trip of the season. Not only was it the first trip of the season but two of Baby A's friends were with us with their parents. Prior to this trip, Baby A was always the only little person there. This could be a different experience. Would we stick to the routines? Of course WE would but would she? I figured she would but you never know when there are other little people around. It could get challenging. Dad and Uncle went out early Friday to secure us a good camping spot. Baby A, me, Aunt, and Friend drove out together. We didn't leave our place until 5. I knew that getting there by Baby A's bedtime, 7:30, would be a challenge. She would want to run a round a bit. By the time we got there it was just after 7:30. Pretty much all camp was set up, but I had a few things to get done for her before she went to bed. We were flexible a bit on this night. We let her play with her friends for a bit. By the time she got to bed it was 8:30, an hour later. She did fine, fell asleep quickly, and slept all the way through the night. No she did not sleep longer, but she woke up and played for a bit before dad and I moved.

Next day was a fun filled day in the sun and wind. Nap time came. All the girls went down at the same time and believe me, she was ready. She was tired and is so used to napping at that time she doesn't even fuss. Now when we camp, dinner doesn't tend to be made early for the adults, but we tried. By the time we ate dinner it was 7:00 on Sat. night. 30 min. to eat and get to bed? Nearly impossible. When it was time, we made our rounds and she happily said her goodnights to everyone, including her friends. We got into the crib by 7:45 and she was out. 15 min. late, not so bad and no fuss from her.

We are so proud of her and how she handles her routines. Rarely do we have any fussing. She knows when it is her bedtime and she is ready for it!

How we handled two birthday parties in one day

A week ago from this past Saturday we had two birthday parties in one day. Before I had children I used to think, wow, 2 birthday parties in one day. That is a lot of stimulation for a young child. I don't remember going to two birthday parties in one day when I was a kid. I kind of assumed that when I had kids, we wouldn't do that. And then it happened. Baby A received an invitation about a month a go for a little girl's 3rd birthday at the gymnastic center. It started at 11:30. I figured that would work. We can be there for about an hour and a half and get back for nap on time or just a few minutes late. So I RSVP'd and a couple weeks later we were invited to a friend's daughter's 2nd birthday that same day at 4:30. Bonus for me...both parties were perfectly scheduled around Baby A's nap. Obviously not for us, but it was very convenient. At first I did consider unRSVPing to the first one but then figured, there is no point as it didn't interfere with her nap. Remember, you are reading from the parents who schedule their days around Baby A's schedule 100% of the time. My second concern, pizza and cake were being served at both parties. We eat very healthy in our house. Yes, we do have sweets every now and then and pizza, but definitely not in one day. So I thought this would be interesting to see how Baby A would handle the food.

Saturday came. We were off for party number 1. All the kids got to run and play in the gymnastic center for 1 hour. They were all very good. 12:30 came and so did lunch. I was eyeing the clock quite often wondering if the kids could eat pizza and cake in a 1/2 hour because we had to leave by 1. Baby A had 2 bites of pizza, a few bites of ice cream and cake and then stopped. Good girl, she stopped when she had enough. By 1 the party was actually over and most of the parents were scurrying out of their, I'm assuming to get their kids home for nap. We followed right behind. As I pulled out of the parking lot I saw Baby A's eyes drop closed rather quickly. She was out. I kept thinking, should I try to keep her up for the 10 min. ride or just let her sleep and get her right to bed. I let her sleep even though I knew she would probably wake up when I took her out of the car. But I had faith she would go back to sleep quickly for two reasons. One, she was very tired, and secondly, she naps at the same time EVERY SINGLE DAY so it is part of her routine! We parked, I took her out of the car seat, she woke up, we went straight to her bedroom, I skipped the milk, took off her shoes and coat, changed her diaper quickly, and had to remind her it was still nap time. I sang her the songs she likes to hear before bed, put her in the crib, and she was out! Thank you for consistency and routines.

Party number 2 was at 4:30, well after she woke up, we went, she didn't eat any pizza, ate a few bites of chicken fingers, and half a cupcake. At 7:00, you guessed it, we packed her up, drove the 10 min. home and put her to bed for her 7:30 bedtime.

We had a very successful first experience with 2 birthday parties in one day. We definitely can do it again, as long as the parties work around her schedule, otherwise, we will be skipping one.

Back to play time in the crib!

Just finished up a 3-week visit from Grandma who lives over 2,000 miles away. So Baby A had lots of excitement. Grandma was around almost daily, and Kita (the cousin doggy) who Baby A loves was around a lot. We still kept with the schedule...1pm nap time and 7:30 pm bedtime. Baby A was always ready for bed when it was time but her naps weren't always as long as she normally takes. Somedays were great naps, some were less than 2 hours. We always give her play time after nap and in the morning in the crib. Sometimes she plays up to an hour. These 3 weeks it was less play time than usual. Grandma who only gets to see Baby A twice a year wants to see her when she gets up. So we were a bit flexible. Honestly, for me...it was hard b/c we have Baby A in such a great routine. Down for nap at 1 and out of crib around 4 whether she sleeps until 4 or wakes up earlier and plays. So the week after Grandma leaves, isn't any different regarding routines but less excitement for Baby A. Her first couple naps, she slept so so. Not as long as normal. Her average nap is over 2 hours. One day, soon after Grandma left, she woke up she started crying. It was just before 3pm. This tells me she is still tired but wants to get up. Her crying increased so I went upstairs. As I peeked through the door, I saw her standing up in the middle of her crib, with the saddest face, crying, staring at the door. As soon as she saw me, she hit the deck, back to the mattress with her butt in the air. I went in, rubbed her back and softly said, "It isn't time to get up yet. I love you. I will be right downstairs." She whispered, "k" and as I walked out the door, she looked back and again I said, "I love you, I'll be right down stairs," closed the door and left. As I patiently waited by the monitor, I expected to hear crying again......waiting.......waiting......Success!!! No Crying!!! I was so excited! She is so comfortable with being in her crib and she is so familiar to the routines that I was able to walk out of her room without her crying. For the next hour she was in her crib. We are unsure if she fell asleep or not. It was quiet for a long time. We dare not peek in the door b/c if she saw us...that could be it. Eventually we heard her, playing and talking to her posse that she keeps in the crib. 4:00 came and it was time to get up.

Next Post: Our first experience with 2 Birthday Parties on one day!

Is the TV on in your house all day?

How much stimulation is too much stimulation? If you are a stay-at-home parent; What does your child do? Do you constantly have the tv on? What are the effects of having so much background noise? I am no expert on that question, but I am pretty happy with how my husband and I have decided to raise our child and what we have agreed on as far as noise during the day. We read a lot of books before our daughter was born and even just after she was born. We both weren't completely on the same page about the tv. My husband thought it was o.k. to have the tv on as "background" noise when he was home with her and she was really little. I disagreed. One day I found an article that talked about keeping the tv off until your child is at least 2. Why you ask? Well, the article stated things like...if you are the parent and you are watching it you may get focused on the tv and not pay as much attention to your child. Another point, even if your child isn't paying attention to the tv they hear it in the background and it can diminish their ability to learn how to fantasize and pretend play. Both of these points hit my husband pretty hard. From then until the present, the tv has been off when our daughter is up and around. Sure, for very special occasions such as President Obama's inauguration or the olympics, we had the tv on but 99% of the time it is off. Have the benefits been worth it? Oh my gosh yes!!! The creativity and pretend play she is involved in is amazing. She sits and plays with her puzzles, or takes out her books, or musical instruments. She plays with her dolls and stuffed animals, talks to them, takes care of them. In her crib in the morning and after nap she plays with all her animals and dolls. The other morning I walked in to get her at about 7:20 and she asked me to turn the light off and leave. So I did and she played and talked with her dolls for another 30 minutes. Developing this sense of play is so important and I have to think that having music on, or nothing on instead of the tv has given my daughter the opportunity to develop this part of her and I love watching it day in and day out. It amazes me what she does each day as she becomes more independent in her playing. Again, I am no expert but I do have strong beliefs on the amount of tv kids should be watching a day from when they are very little to school age. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Routines

Recently we have had people ask us, How is your baby so easy? Some say..."The next one won't be like this." Others say, "No one has an easy baby like this, this is not normal." First of all, what is normal? Second of all, I disagree with these statements. Why is our daughter so easy? and yes, our second child will be the same. Why? I truly believe it comes down to routines, routines, routines, consistency, consistency, consistency. Every family is different and they do what works for them but why wouldn't you have consistency in your child's life. Children need routines. When having routines they know what to expect. They don't like to have surprise all the time. It is too much for them to handle. Being an elementary school teacher for the last 14 years, I know that routines are essential. If elementary age students need routines, why wouldn't the babies and toddlers need it. I have had my days where I have changed the class routine and what happens? BLOW UPS! Kids freak out. Behavior changes, kids act out, they don't listen, and by the time the day is over you are exhausted. When you reflect on why...it is b/c the "routine" was changed. This is the same for babies and toddlers. Our daughter is ready for nap at 1pm and she is ready for bed at 7:30. We have no issues putting her to bed even when her cousins are visiting from out of town and they aren't going to bed. She knows...this is her routine and when bedtime hits, she is ready to go. Why is our daughter happy? One reason...routines and consistency.

bed time

Well, last Monday, the 29th I drove to Denver with the 2 year old to celebrate Passover with our extended family. I was trying to figure out the best way to go about the bedtime thing since her bedtime is at 7:30 and we are very strict about following this. There have been times where she may have been up closer to 8 but it is very rare. Like I said in my last post, we bring a pak and play if we know we will be staying at a friend's house well past her bed time. This night though...with the many people and the many young kids there I wouldn't have a prayer putting her to bed in a bedroom upstairs at the house we were at with her knowing there were many, many young kids running around. I figured since we were supposed to be there at 5:30 we had a chance on getting out by 8. I should have known, timing doesn't ever go the way you want. Everyone arrived at 5:30, we didn't sit down until after 6 to begin the seder and by the time the first course was served, matzoh ball soup, it was 7. I was cringing inside thinking this is going to be a late night. She has never had a late night like this before, what will it be like. I guess we will find out. A friend of mine and his wife actually left with his 2 year old just after 7:30 b/c that is his bed time. It reminds me of us usually, but my 2 year old sees this extended family once a year if we are lucky so I had to get over it. Well, by the time dinner was done it was just after 8 and then there is desert. Now my 2 year old helped me make the passover cake so she was looking forward to having it so I couldn't leave and deny her the cake. She had her cake and strawberries and by the time we left it was after 8:30. We weren't too far from the house we were sleeping at. She had been a rock start this entire time. She wasn't cranky or moody even though she was almost 2 hours past her bedtime. I expected her to crash out in the car but to my surprise she was on the lookout for "big trucks". By the time she was in her bed it was almost 9:30. Yes, she crashed out. I knew she wouldn't sleep in later than her normal time but I didn't expect her to wake up before 6. She did and played for over an hour until I got out of bed until 7. The day was fine...as we got closer to nap time she was exhausted and getting a bit cranky but she was a trooper as always.

Interestingly enough...I received an email newsletter from "The Sleep Lady" the author of the book, "Good Night, Sleep Tight" I would definitely recommend this book and signing up for the newsletter. It is free and great information. Anyways, her article talked about what happens when a child goes to bed too late...they tend to wake up earlier than normal. It all made sense to me now. That is why she woke up before 6 the morning after Passover.

Needless to say, the next night she was in her crib and lights out at 7:15, back to normal.

Raising a baby to toddlerhood

Two days ago happy baby hit the 2 year mark. I can't believe it has been two years. As happy parents reflect back on the last two years it has been an amazing, joyful journey. We have begun to raise an amazing happy baby who is now a toddler and still happier then ever. What makes her happy? I have to say what we have done to parent her has done the job. Has it been easy? Not always but we are figuring it out along the way and we truly believe that what we are doing is for the best for her. So back to her being happy. What makes her happy? Well, we started off with routines for her. She has always had specific nap times that have changed as she has gotten older, and a bed time that she goes to bed at every night. Now you may think...I don't want to alter my life but isn't it worth it? To have a baby that has consistent routines, gets the important sleep she needs, and always wakes up happy is worth it. What has it done for our lives? We work around her schedule. Now we are at the 1 nap a day beginning at 1pm. So we do all our main fun from when she gets up until about 12:30. That is plenty of time to get in a lot. For the night times...does it pose a challenge for us that she goes to bed at 7:30 every night. Sure it does and there are times we have to decline on invitations from friends. However, there are times we do go out and take her and it may be enjoying a happy hour with friends and getting home in time for bed time...or bringing the pak and play and putting her down at someone else's house while we enjoy some adult time. Again...yes it is challenging...but well worth it to have a happy baby.

As I continue with this blog, I will share our trials and tribulations that we go through as we continue to raise our daughter and the choices we make. I would love to hear what you all think out there and what you have done! I'm very excited about this blog and can't wait to continue to share our experience with all of you out there. What we have done has been tremendous and was worked very well for us. So we hope we can give you ideas out there and receive ideas. Again, looking forward to hearing from you all!

happy parent